1.01 - Pilot

Olivia: His name is Peter Bishop. He's a high-school drop-out, IQ at 190, just 50 points north of genius. Misfit, nomad. Hasn't kept a job longer than two months. He's been a wild land fireman, cargo pilot and briefly a college chemistry professor. He falsified a degree from MIT. He even managed to get a few papers published before he was found out. Sounds like a massive pain in the ass. 

 

Olivia: You may be able to help us with that.

Peter: No, I think you've got the wrong guy.

Olivia: Your father is Walter Bishop.

Peter: The last time somebody asked me that it was an accusation. 

 

Oliva: I can have you on a return flight here in four days, but first...

Peter: Let me save you the time. I'd rather stay here in Iraq. That's how much I want to see my father.

 

Peter: Sweetheart, we all care about someone who's dying.

 

Walter: They... They have this horrible... Pudding here. Butterscotch pudding on Mondays. It's dreadful.

Olivia: It's Thursday.

Walter: Oh... Oh, that's fantastic news.

 

Peter: Hello, Walter.

Walter: I thought you'd be fatter.

Peter: You thought I'd be fatter? Excellent, first words. Perfect.

Walter: No, no. As a boy you were rounder.

Peter: Yes, I was. Until the summer before high-school, not that I'd expect you to remember that.

 

Peter: You wanted my father, now you've got my father. Which falls into the category 'be careful what you wish for', sweetheart. 

 

Walter: I just pissed myself.

Peter: Excellent.

Walter: Just a squirt.

 

Walter: The only thing better than a cow is a human! Unless you need milk - then you really need a cow.

 

Walter: It's not an exact science...

Peter: It's not even science.

 

Olivia: Have you done this before?

Walter: I have used this technique to extract information from a corpse once. You can do that if they haven't been dead for longer than six houres.

Peter: Right,'cause after six hours, that's when they're really dead!

 

Walter: Excellent. Let's make some LSD!

 

Olivia: So Bell doesn't want to talk?

Charlie: Or he's just being the head of a 50 billion dollar corporation.

 

Walter: (to Olivia) You should probably strip to your underwear. (to Charlie) Hello.

Charlie: What the hell was that?

Olivia: Charlie, we don't have 24 hours. I need you to get to Bell. If Walter fails, Bell could be the only one to save us.

Charlie: Olivia, what's happening here? You've cleared all this with Broyles?

Olivia: Somewhat.

Charlie: 'Somewhat' doesn't sound good... Is that a cow?

Olivia: Yeah, that's Gene. Listen Charlie, I - I need you to promise me you'll do whatever you can.

Charlie: Of course. You know that... Hey. Be careful.

[Charlie looks at John's transparent body.]

Charlie: (to himself) My god.

 

 

Walter: If you want to watch, you can come closer. You work here?

Astrid: Yeah, I'm Astrid Farnsworth, assistant to Agent Dunham.

Walter: Who?

[Astrid points at Olivia.]

Walter: Oh, yes. I'm Walter...

Peter: Bishop. Walter Bishop.

Walter: Yes, thank you.

Peter: Don't mention it.


 

 

 

Walter: [watching Spongebob Squarepants] And this is a show for children?

Astrid: Yeah, it's huge.

Walter: Surprisingly profound for a narrative for a sponge.

Peter: [answering his cell] Crazy House.

1.02 - Same Old Story

Broyles: Is he coming out?

Peter: Well, that's unclear. He's currently in the car fiddling around with his seat warmer.

Broyles: (through open window) Doctor Bishop, hello. I appreciate you coming out tonight.

Walter: I've never seen a feature like this before. It warms your ass. It's wonderful. Have you tried it?

 

 

Broyles: What they realized is that the child wasn't just growing... It was aging.

Peter: Oh - okay, hold on a sec. It's 4:00 a.m. so I'm a little foggy, but we're supposed to believe that grandpa here was born four hours ago?


Walter: Therefore, of course, I'll need a lab immediately.

Broyles: Doctor, you have one. Your old lab at Harvard… we reopened it for you. Do you not remember that?

Walter: No. No, but that's fantastic news!

 

Peter: Friend of yours? [displays severed hand in jar]

Walter: Oh... I certainly hope not. Come on, boy, we need to get these file boxes back to the lab.

Peter: You may be able to reanimate dead guinea pigs or... whatever, but I can bring anything mechanical back from the dead.

 

Walter: Hello, I'm Doctor Walter Bishop.

Astrid: Yes, Doctor Bishop. We've met. I'm Junior Agent Astrid Farnsworth.

 

Olivia: I need a cross check of recent unsolved homicides. See if any bodies have turned up with a missing pituitary gland.

Charlie: Oh, you say the sweetest things.

Olivia: Only to you, Charlie.

 

Peter: Something on your mind?

Walter: Please. The term "on your mind" vexes me with its depictive inaccuracy.

Peter: Aw, stop. Would you just talk like a person? 

 

Peter: This is taking too long. If he's already picked up another -

Walter: Impatient! You always were.

Peter: As if you ever knew me well enough to make a statement like that.

Walter: Huh! You're a smart boy. But there is much you don't know.

 

Walter: (on phone) Just making popcorn.

Peter: Walter, I am with a woman in her mid-twenties, she is going into cardiac arrest due to an overdose of anesthesia... Her heart just stopped.

Walter: Do you have any cocaine?

Peter: Cocaine?! No, I don't have any cocaine.

Walter: Oh, that's too bad.

 

Walter: 0... 1... 1... 2... 3... 8... 13... 21... 34... 55...

Peter: Hey Walter!

Walter: You're awake, Peter. Me too. I was trying to lull myself to sleep.

Peter: Yeah, I'm... I'm aware of that. I can hear you. You think you could do that in your head?

Walter: Wasn't I? I thought I was. Sorry.

Peter: That's okay. Just try and keep it down, all right?

Walter: 1... 2... 33... 3... 77... 2... 21... 6... 110...

Peter: (gently) Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…

Walter: (concerned) Son? Is that you?

Peter: Yes, Walter, it's me. Stop talking and close your eyes, okay? Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily… Life is but a dream…

 

1.03 - The Ghost Network

Olivia: He (John) used me, Charlie. And he told me he loved me.

Charlie: I wasn't gonna tell you this, but he said he loved me, too.

Peter: You brought your own sweetener?

Walter: Don't be ridiculous. It's my medication.

Peter: You're not on any medication, Walter.

Walter: Of course I am. I've been making it myself in the lab.

Peter: Oh, I wish you were joking.

 

Walter: I would love to hear some Bach. Mass in A minor. Will you play it for me? I'm sure the young lady down there would get us a piano.

Peter: That young lady is an F.B.I. Agent, Walter. Her name is Astrid, and this is the 100th time you have forgotten her name. So, no. I don't think I can get you a piano. 

 

 

 

Olivia: So who would have the know-how to manufacture something like this?

Peter: I'll give you six guesses. And the first five don't count.

Olivia: Massive Dynamic.

Olivia: How's Roy McComb?

Peter: Roy McComb will be fine. No thanks to my father's attempts to turn him into a human walkie-talkie.

 

Peter: Of all the possible career choices, how did a girl like you end up in law enforcement?

Olivia: Well, I pretty much knew this was what I wanted to do by the time I was nine.

Peter: When I was nine years old, I think I wanted to be a brontosaurus.

 

Walter: Oh, my god.

Roy: What's wrong?

Walter: I believe with proper demodulation, you could receive satellite television for free.

Peter: Okay, fun time's over.

 

1.04 - The Arrival

 

 

 

 

The Observer: It has arrived.

Walter: One hundred fifty grams of sucrose, maintained at seventy degrees Fahrenheit for one hundred twenty hours. Thirty milliliters at Eighty degrees...

Peter: What formula are you rattling off at three o'clock in the morning?

Walter: The formula for root beer.

Peter: Root beer. That's what's so important you couldn't stop yourself from broadcasting.

Walter: I haven't had it for ages. I… I thought I might make some in the lab tomorrow. Where are you going?

Peter: It occurs to me it might be easier to sleep in the tub.

Walter: A root beer float. Delicious.

Peter: Next time, would you please drain the tub?

Walter: Oh, yes. Indeed.

Peter: Walter is at the hotel. But don't worry, your agents are standing guard. Not that it matters, 'cause the man is unconscious. He was awake until five in the morning, reciting the chemical compositions of his favorite beverages to me. That was right after he finished lecturing me on how I'd squandered my above average intellect and my substantial education, all - while he was standing there naked. Because he prefers the breeze. 

 

Peter: Olivia, don't bother. I wanted to help. I felt bad. I still feel bad about what happened to you. But the truth is, you don't need me here.

Olivia: That isn't the truth.

Peter: It is. Things are happening here. Strange things that need investigating, that connect somehow to the insane work that Walter was doing way back when, but he's the one with the answers. You need him. I'm just a babysitter.

Olivia: Peter, you decipher what he says. Things that other people can't even follow.

Peter: No, not any more. Anybody can do that. There's nothing special about me.

Olivia: You're his son.

Peter: That's not the only thing. I don't do well staying in one place. You know that. This isn't the job for me.

Olivia: If you leave, so does he.

Olivia: He would rather go back to St. Claire's than work here without you. He said that more than once.

Peter: Was he wearing clothes at the time?

 

 

Peter: What kind of man would take off on you the minute a can of magic space soup - appears out of nowhere?

Walter: Who says it came from space?

Peter: It's a joke, Walter.

Walter: Oh.

Olivia: Thank you for staying.

Peter: [whispers] This is the last one, Olivia. Then I'm gone.

Peter: What is it? [waits] Let me ask you a question. If I tried reverse psychology, like, if I just said to you right now "Walter, don't tell me what that is". Would that work? 

 

Walter: Open your mind, son, or someone may open it for you.

Peter: Even that doesn't make any sense.

 

Olivia: Look. It's one of the photos from Jacobson's file. Him. Remember? The bald guy.

Peter: No, who is he?

Olivia: That's the point.

Peter: Olivia, you're starting to sound like Walter.

 

Walter: We need something-- something very important.

Peter: What?

Walter: Aluminum foil.

Peter: Why?

Walter: Trust me.

Peter: No, thank you.

Walter: Damn it! Must you always be such a smart ass?

 

Walter: If it's possible, I would very much like my own clothes back.

Peter: Let me explain how this works to you, Walter. You can't inject a federal officer with sedatives, steal government property, and then escape from protective custody, and then ask to be not treated like a criminal.

Walter: Have you never taken anything that didn't belong to you because you knew it was the right thing to do?

Peter: This isn't about me.

Walter: Maybe it is, Peter.

 

Walter: I believe there are only another four hours in which I must keep the cylinder from those who are trying to get it, a theory I have discussed with my friend, who agrees with me.

Peter: Your friend? Um, he's a tall fellow, right? Pink, big fuzzy ears.

Walter: No, he's a man. Quite nice. Albeit extremely bald. No eyebrows either. It's disturbing, but you get accustomed to it.

Olivia: You talked to him?

Peter: Do you really think it's a good idea to feed into his delusions at this point?

Olivia: Walter, who is he? Where can we find him?

Walter: Oh, you won't be able to find him.

Peter: Of course not, 'cause he's in the seventh dimension.

 

Mosley: You and your colleagues had the cylinder last. Where is it now?

Peter: I have no idea. And even if I did, you're the last person I'd tell.

Mosley: But you just did tell me. Your father hid it. But you don't know where. And yes, to answer your question, when this is over, I just might kill you. It depends on a few things. When was the last time your father kissed you?

Peter: I think that's your lamest question yet.

 

Peter: Who the hell are you? What is the cylinder? You know what it is, don't you? [starting to have his thoughts read]

Peter/Oberserver: [talk covally] You know what it is, don't you?

Peter/Oberserver: Why is it here?

Peter/Oberserver: Why now?

Peter/Oberserver: Who are you?

Peter/Oberserver: Apples, bananas, rhinoceros.

Peter/Oberserver: I want to hold your hand.

Peter/Oberserver: Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

Walter: What I did to you was very untrustworthy of me. I never intended to harm you. I was simply doing what was necessary to protect us all. If it would help you feel a sense of retribution, I would tell you to inject me too. But... But I'd most likely enjoy it. 

 

Peter: Something happened out there tonight, Olivia. The pattern that Broyles refers to… I always thought it was nonsense. Inexplicable things happen every single day. It does not mean that there is any deeper significance. I know this is gonna sound insane. Yeah, I know that it sounds insane, but the man in the woods, he knew me. And I don't know how, but he was inside my head. He knew what I was going to say before I said it. 

 

Olivia: Your credentials have been approved. Civilian consultant to the Department of Homeland Security.

Peter: Does this mean I don't need an escort to come into the Federal Building anymore?

Olivia: Yeah.

Peter: Will it get me out of speeding tickets?

Olivia:  Maybe.

 

Peter: So let me tell you about my day, Walter. I was abducted, tortured, had two wires shoved up my nose that were connected to a machine I've never seen before. But maybe the strangest part of the day is that somehow, without talking, I was able to answer a question that I didn't have the answer to.

 

Walter: I know you must think me insane.

Peter: Not nearly as much as you might think.

 

1.05 - Power Hungry

Peter: Visiting hours. Everyone put on their best straitjacket.

 

[Walter touches Peter, causing a discharge of static electricity]

Peter: Oh, come on! Damn it!

Walter: Just a small discharge. Negligible compared to the voltage coursing through that elevator. I say we need to find this person and soon. Before he finds out exactly what he's capable of. Wool socks.

Olivia: So… What is this?

Walter: This is the sort of work I was born for.

Peter: You were hoping for something more specific, maybe?

 

Olivia: Walter, you're not going to accidentally fry one of those pigeons?

Walter: Stranger things have happened.

Peter: That's his motto.

 

 

 

Walter: I know we've only been together for a short time, but I think I'm going to miss them. Such majestic creatures.

Astrid: They're rats with wings. You'll get over it.

Astrid: Are you sure this is going to work?

Walter: Of course not.

 

Peter: Seriously, if this works...

Olivia: You're gonna have some more faith in your father?

Peter: No.

 

Walter: That one can go out the back. Thank you, my dear.

Astrid: What's my name?

Walter: Starts with "A", yes?

Astrid: Astrid.

Walter: Ah, ha, ha - I knew it.

 

1.06 - The Cure

[Walter hums like the nearby transformer.]

Peter: (to Olivia) What?

Olivia: Oh, that doesn’t bother you?

Peter: Are you kidding? That man falls asleep counting PI to the one hundred first digit. That’s soothing.

Olivia: Walter!

Walter: Was I humming? I thought it was in my head.

Olivia: It wasn’t.

Walter: Forgive me Olivia… Nothing sings like a Kilovolt. Unique pitch. Nothing else in nature quite like it.

Olivia: I’m sure you’re right.

 

 

 

Peter: Oh... ah... oh, yeah… there’s no head. 

 

 

Peter: I'm going to hate myself for asking, but how do you cure a disease that's incurable?

Walter: I haven't the slightest idea. Thought I myself once cured this one in a dream. Opium. Fantastic stuff. Of course, I forgot it as soon as I woke up. 

 

 

[Walter jams a meat thermometer into Pitt's brain through the ear.]

Peter: Uhh! Thanks for the warning.

Olivia: So she was being held against her will.

Walter: Either that, or she had a proclivity for sexual bondage. Scientific observation, not a judgment. Some of my fondest memories -

Peter: Oh Walter, stop! Wherever that’s going is just wrong.

 

Olivia: Someone’s targeting people with the disease?

Charlie: That… Or it’s one hell of a coincidence. Hey, Liv. I get it.

Olivia: You get what?

Charlie: Young woman, what was done to her. You know, this coming your way… today of all days.

Olivia: (rings the doorbell) It’s okay. I’m okay.

Charlie: Listen, I know you don’t like to celebrate, but happy birthday.

 

Walter: To understand what happened at the diner, we use Mr. Papaya. This is upsetting because he is the friendliest of fruits. (waiting)…and we have GOO-ification.

Astrid: Is that the scientific term?

Walter: Oh Peter! If you’re going out, could you bring me back some cotton candy?

Peter: Cotton candy?

Walter: Yep… And blue! Not pink. I’ve had a craving. Must be the Hyacinths. Lovely blue flowers.

 

Olivia: I had a stepfather. And when he drank, he'd accused my mom of seeing other men and then he'd hit her. And she just lived with it. She never called the police, not once. Then one day he beat her really bad and broke her nose. I was nine. He stormed out of his house, got in his car, drove off. My mom was crying, and I can't help her. And then I hear his car - he's turned back around. He kept the gun in the drawer near his bed. When he opened the door, I pulled the trigger. Then I pulled it again. And I can still see his face, almost daring me to finish. But I couldn't. So they took him to the hospital and said that he couldn't be saved, but he didn't die. He recovered. And then one night he just slipped away. We never saw him again. And I still blame myself, because I should have done it, I should have killed him. And I know, that rationally he's not responsible for all the bad things in the world. But he is responsible for some of them. And every year he sends me a card on my birthday, just to let me know that he's still out there.

Peter: It's your birthday today.

 

Walter: Do you smell that?

Astrid: Yes, and next time how about a little warning?

Walter: Huh? Oh, not that. Methyleugenol. The chemical responsible for giving Hyacinths their aroma.

Astrid: So what about it?

Walter: I have been trying to determine what caused that the radioactive capsules in Emily Kramer’s bloodstream to burst at once. This is it, Asterisk.

Peter: Astrid. Her name is Astrid.

 

Walter: Olivia!

Olivia: Hey.

Walter: Did you lock yourself out again?

Peter: Actually Walter, this is our hotel.

Walter: Oh.

Olivia: I need to talk to you.

Peter: Sure. (to Walter) I’ll see you upstairs, okay?

Walter: It’s nice to see you.

Olivia: Good night, Walter.

Peter: And remember tonight, please, the red toothbrush is mine.

Walter: White for Walter, that’s me. Right?

Peter: (to Walter) Yes. (to Olivia) Everything okay?

Olivia: I know where you got your information. About Claire Williams. What was her price? What did Nina Sharp want in return?

Peter: Nothing untoward, if that’s what you’re worried about.

Olivia: Peter.

Peter: You don’t have to worry about me. I am a big boy. I can take care of myself. You have been looking out for me, so I’m just returning the favor.

Olivia: Thank you.

Peter: There was no letter today, was there?

Olivia: No.

Peter: Happy birthday.

Olivia: You better get back upstairs before Walter falls asleep in your bed. Ahem.

Peter: Yeah. He has actually done that before. While I was sleeping. Really not something you want to wake up to. 

Olivia: Good night.

Peter: Good night.

 

1.07 - In Which We Meet Mr. Jones

Walter: You have any gum?

Peter: No, Walter.

Walter: Mints?

Peter: No. Later.

 

Broyles: Dr. Bishop. What you're about to see… I don't know if you've seen anything like it before. But I'm hoping you have. I'm hoping you can help. The man lying in that room isn't just a colleague, he's a friend.

Walter: I see. Do you have any mints?

 

Olivia: Can you help? Do you think you can remove it.

Walter: Oh, I'd be willing to try, but not here. My breath is atrocious.

 

 

Peter: What was the other thing?

Walter: Pardon?

Peter: You said that two things occurred to you. What's the other one?

Walter: Oh. I would still really like some gum. Or some mints? Thank you, Peter.

Walter: Excellent work, son! You may have found your true calling at last. Working with me!

Peter: I certainly hope not.

 

Broyles: I was just saying I’m grateful for your work.

Walter: You’re most welcome... You know I had a fruit cocktail once. In Atlantic City. Mind you, I’m not a fruit cocktail sort of guy.

Broyles: Excuse me... (to Peter) We need to discuss your father.

Peter: Is it the fruit cocktail thing again?

Broyles: Um-huh.

Peter: Yeah, he’s been doing that recently. He gets obsessed about certain foods. It’s weird.

Broyles: We need him to focus.

Peter: To focus? Mister Broyles… Two-thirds of the time, my father’s not even lucid. And in those rare and unpredictable moments of clarity, he rambles on about the foods and beverages that he missed while he was incarcerated in a mental institution for the better part of the last two decades. To say that he’s not focused… Is to say that he’s a bi-ped – which is to say, you’re absolutely right. He’s not focused. And also, it’s not going to change anytime too soon. I’m his son – I’m not a puppeteer. I’d don’t have a remote control. There’s no master switch I can flick and turn him into the man I wish had raised me, or even somebody I don’t have to baby-sit ever day.… I guess I’ve had that on my mind for awhile.

 

Peter: I just got off the phone with Olivia. She’s headed back to the airport. Turns out Mister Jones would only help us if he could talk to Mister Smith. The same Mister Smith that your people just killed.

Broyles: You’re kidding me?

Peter: That’s the first serious thing I’ve said all day.

 

Walter: Hello Peter, this is me, your father, Walter Bishop. 

Peter: Thank you Walter. I know who you are. 

Walter: Excellent...

Walter: Well does he still had his head? Is it still attached to his body?

Peter: Only you would ask that question.

 

Peter: I’ve never had a conversation with a dead guy before. Forgive me if I don’t know the rules.

 

Walter: It’s astonishing how this mans scalp resembles…

Astrid: … Peter’s bare bottom when he was a baby.

Walter: How did you know that?

Astrid: You told us that already – twice.

 

1.08 - The Equation

 

 

Peter: What do you want me to do?

Walter: Just stare at the lights.

Peter: [stares at the lights for a long time] Sorry Walter. Better luck next time.

Astrid: [coming into the lab much later] Anyone ready for lunch? What's up, Chachi?

Peter: [looks at missing sleeves] Did you do this to me?

Walter: You did.

 

Peter: After some of the things I've seen in the last three months, Walter strikes me as being one of the sanest people I know.

 

Peter: What'd you base the search on?

Olivia: On the anagrams. Like combinations of different family names. It's what most people use if they want to change their identity.

Peter: Thanks, I know that. I've done this once or twice myself.

Olivia: Why doesn't that surprise me?

 

Peter: Then I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 'Cause you may think you know what he's capable of, but you have no idea what I'm capable of.

 

1.09 - Dreamscape

Peter: Just your average multi-national corporation specializing in secret bio research and defense contracting. Massive Dynamic. Seems like such an innocent name for a corporation, don't you think?

 

Walter: It's a shame I don't have a lab. I'd like to examine him.

Peter: You do have a lab, Walter. Your lab at Harvard.

Walter: Yes. I do, don't I?

 

Charlie: Do you ever wonder how we survived as a species without drugs?

 

Charlie: Christmas in Nebraska. Sounds depressing.

 

Walter: Coffee yogurt.

Astrid: The synthetic compound?

Walter: Peter. When he was 13, all he would eat was coffee yogurt. Almost drove his mother to tears.

Peter: Walter, that wasn't me, that was you.

Walter: Oh?

Peter: (on his cell phone) Hello?

Walter: If that's Agent Dunham, tell her to bring some coffee yogurt.

Peter: Can you hold on for one second?

Walter: He's right about the yogurt. In case you haven't noticed, I can be quite obsessive.

Astrid: Really?

Tess: I wasn't sure you'd be here.

Peter: That makes two of us. You look good, Tess.

Tess: You look older.

Peter: Older? When my father first saw me, he told me he thought I'd be fatter, but I got to tell you - older actually kind of hurts.

 

Olivia: How long is this going to take?

Walter: Miss Dunham, what we're doing, what you have asked me to do, is pushing the boundaries of all that is real and possible. We're not roasting a turkey.

 

Walter: Uh oh.

Olivia: What?

Walter: I just got an erection. Oh, fear not, it's nothing to do with your state of undress. I think I simply need to urinate.

Olivia: That's good to know.

 

Peter: Livy, if you need me, I'm here.

Olivia: Yeah, I know.

1.10 - Safe

Peter: [noting Olivia has no friends] What do you mean you don't have one? Everyone has one. Even I have one.

Walter: What's that, a spleen?

Peter: Yeah, Walter, a spleen.

Walter: Unless one suffers from asplenia, a rare genetic condition in which one is born spleenless.

Peter: Thank you, Walter. So, you seriously don't have a best friend?

Olivia: Nope. Well - does a sister count?

Peter: Of course a sister doesn't count.

Olivia: Well, I guess that I've always just enjoyed being on my own. Even when I was at boarding school, they used to call me "Han".

Peter: As in "Solo"? That's cute. At least you had a nickname.

 

Broyles: The who, what, and why… That's you.

Peter: Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder.

Olivia: [studies the corpse] Peter, I know this man.

Peter: What, the guy in the wall? Really? Let me guess. He's your best friend.

 

H.I. Worker: Can I help you guys find something?

Walter: Oh, yes. We're looking for an electric saw. Preferably variable speed with an easily replaceable blade system.

H.I. Worker: What are you cutting, wood?

Walter: Human tissue. Flesh and bone. It's more sinuous than you may expect.

Peter: It's really not that dire.

Walter: Oh, actually, potentially it's far worse.

H.I. Worker: Um, I think that the saw you're looking for is around the corner, next to the routers.

Walter: Thank you.

Peter: No need to call the police.

 

 

 

Peter: Where you been?

Olivia: I've been working. Where have you been?

Peter: I've been buying rice for Walter's toys.

Walter: (to Astrid) When she's finished chewing her cud, remember to brush her teeth.

Astrid: I am not brushing a cow's teeth Walter. You know I have real work to do, right?

Peter: Hey, Walter. If you were gonna rent a safety deposit box in Providence, what bank would you use?

Walter: Providence? That would have to be the Fairmont Savings Bank, off Westminster Street… It's the only one with safe deposit boxes big enough for my purposes. [realizing how he was manipulated] Oh. Well done, son.

 

Peter: You violated the laws of nature, Mr. Eastwick, and Mother Nature is a bitch.

Walter: You nearly died when you were a boy. You started bruising… and your kidneys failed. The doctors didn’t know what it was – the closest diagnosis was hepea – the rare form of bird flu that hadn’t been around for decades. Your mother was beside herself, she stopped eating – she stopped sleeping… and I was worse. After all, I was the scientist, here my only son was dying and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Peter: Walter. I don’t remember any of that.

Walter: I became consumed – with saving you. Conquering the disease. In my research I discovered a Doctor… Alfred Gross! Swiss. Brilliant physician. The only man that ever successfully cured hepea. But there was a problem. He had died in 1936. And so, I designed a device intend to reach back in to time – to cross the time space continuum and retrieve Alfred Gross. To bring him back with me… to fix you, my dying son. The device Peter, I think that’s what I hid in those safe deposit boxes.

Peter: And it worked? You were able to go back to 1936 and get this guy?

Walter: No. Before I could test it, you started to recover. The doctor said it was a miracle. But the science behind it, in theory, it would work. In theory, it could retrieve anyone from anywhere.

 

1.11 - Bound

Peter: Walter, what are you doing?

Walter: I'm dosing a caterpillar.

Peter: Dosing? As in LSD?

Walter: It's a special blend.

Peter: I see. Hey, guess what just happened? Finding out that my father gives drugs to bugs, somehow just became a typical moment in my life.

Walter: Wonderful, isn't it?

 

Rachel: Go, save the world!

 

Olivia: And bring your father. I think we'll need him.

Peter: [looking at Walter, who's dosing a bug] Do I have to?

 

Olivia: They gave me a spinal tap. They put electrodes or sensors on my head. Why would they do that? I mean, what would they want with me? What were they doing? Who could they be?

Walter: You're like the question machine.

 

Walter: It appears that he suffocated from within.

Peter: Well, maybe that's 'cause a giant, slimy, spikey slug came out of his mouth.

 

Walter: Spirited - isn't it? (as the gigantic organism squirms around)

Peter: Well, have you considered, I don't know, killing it?

Walter: We can always kill it, son. We can't always bring it back.

Astrid: You probably could.

Walter: That is true. Do you know what I could go for?

Astrid: Don't say food.

Walter: Cheese steak.

Astrid: How can he even think about eating?

Peter: I know. it's disgusting, right? And yet...

Astrid: Ha, you want one too?

Peter: Extra provolone, please.

Astrid: Like father like son.

Peter: Ah, come on, don't say that.

 

Peter: You sure?

Walter: My boy, I'm not even sure that we all exist on the same plane of consciousness. But yes, I believe so.

 

Peter: What I want to know is what they wanted from you.

Olivia: Oh, who cares about me? I want to know who's next.

Peter: I care about you! - If we can figure out why they needed you, then maybe we can figure out who's next.

Olivia: I'm gonna keep looking for someone who's connected to Kinberg and Simon. [departs the area]

Walter: She is beautiful, isn't she?

Peter: [watches Olivia leaving the room] Who?

Walter: The slug.

Rachel: Hard day?

Olivia: I honestly wouldn't know what to tell you. And if I did, it would be a felony.

Rachel: You have a crazy job.

 

Peter: Is that LSD?

Walter: LSD? Why would I...? It's a decongestant. She is a giant cold virus, after all.

Peter: Right.

Charlie: Olivia may have a lead on who abducted her. Only she can't pursue it without some help. I can't help her.

Peter: Why not?

Charlie: Suffice it to say, that sometimes the problem with being in law-enforcement is that you got to obey the law yourself.

Peter: And you think I'm the guy to break the law for you.

Charlie: I'm sorry, I didn't...

Peter: No, look, you're right. I am the guy to break the law for you.

 

Walter: Peter was really worried about you when you were gone.

Peter: Walter.

Walter: You were.

Peter: Well, of course I was worried.

Walter: He was really worried.

 

Peter: (to Olivia) You're talking about a man who infects people with giant viruses. If you hadn't escaped, who knows what they would have done to you. Listen to me, you just told him that you killed his wife. He said that to you to try to get a reaction out of you. To get to you. Let it go. You got his confession. Go home.

Walter: I was worried too. When you were taken.

Olivia: Thank you, Walter.

Walter: [looking at Peter] Not as much as him, of course. 

Peter: Walter.

Walter: It's true.

 

1.12 - The No-Brainer

Walter: With all due respect, Darwin got it all wrong. I used to make the joke that Darwin's thinking was rather... unevolved.

Peter: Which I'm sure used to be very funny. 

 

Astrid: Hey, that was Olivia. She needs you guys outside. A coroner's on his way with a body.

Walter: You know, this is the part of day that I look forward to most... when I know there's something bizarre out there. I just don't know what it is - like a grab bag of disturbing events, don't you think?

Walter: He can be rotated onto his back now, drain the remainder of his brain. Once that's done, we can examine his cranial cavity.

Peter: [approaches pessimistically] Oh, this is gonna be awesome.

 

Peter: I think I got a guy who can help us.

Olivia: Who?

Peter: Do you really want to know?

Olivia: Good point.

Peter: (sarcastically) Every time that guy (Harris) opens his mouth, I like him more and more.

 

Charlie: What about Harris?

Olivia: Screw him.

Charlie: My thoughts exactly. 

 

Peter: Oh, come on. He cannot possibly be that stupid.

Olivia: He is nineteen.

Peter: Good point. 

 

Peter: I don't underestimate my father, by the way. I understand him. Sometimes more than I want to. Look, if I let him talk to that woman, she's just going to accuse him of killing her daughter, which is something he didn't do.

Olivia: Then why not just let them meet?

Peter: Whose side are you on anyway?

Olivia: I know what it's like to live with something unresolved. That's all.

Peter: Congratulations. You just described the entire planet. 

 

Peter: I don't get it. He knew he was killing those people. Why would the kid protect a murderer like that?

Olivia: Because it's his father.

 

Peter: First of all, I've had a couple of drinks, but don't worry... I walked over.

Olivia: Okay.

Peter: And, uh... I wanted to say that... I've never had him in my life... Walter. And now, thanks to your insane freak show of an operation, I do. Have him in my life. And I think that I was... I think that I was a little scared. And maybe if he... he talked to that woman... Whatever. I... I wanted to say that I'm sorry. You were right. Thank you.

1.13 - The Transformation

Olivia: I think this is our guy. [refers to the file]

Charlie: The fried dog man?

Olivia: Yeah. Marshall Bowman. We need to pull everything we can find on him.

Charlie: How can you know that?

Olivia: Call it my gut.

Charlie: (with blind acceptance) You're good. 

 

Astrid: It also gave him four extra nipples.

Peter: Maybe he mutated into an opossum.

Walter: No, opossum's have 15 mammaries, unlike most mammals, who have an even number of nipples. Hence, the one half rule regarding nipples.

Astrid: The one half nipple rule?

Peter: You just had to ask, didn't you?

Walter: The typical number of young in the litter is usually equal to half the number nipples on the animal. The number of nipples being the maximum litter size. Humans, for example, one child is the typical. Maximum, twins. Barring extraordinary cases when the young exceed the number of nipples.

Peter: God, I hope I never have to hear him say the word "nipple" again.

 

Olivia: Charlie. Come here a second. See this guy? Daniel Hicks, he owns an import export company based in Chelsea. He's the guy that Marshall Bowman was flying in to meet. We need to bring him in for questioning.

Charlie: This your gut again? What's going on, Liv?

Olivia: Okay, this is going to sound insane. So let's just put it in the category of "crazy things happening in Walter Bishop's lab."

Charlie: Okay. 

 

Charlie: Despite the thousand questions I have in my head right now, I'm going to bite my tongue. 

 

Peter: [answering the phone] Bishop's House of Horrors.

 

Walter: This is wonderful, don't you agree? It's just like a good detective movie.

 

Olivia: Cut open his hand.

Peter: What?

Olivia: I want to see if there's a disk in it like Bowman's.

Walter: I like cutting.

 

[Peter pulls Olivia from the tank panting and near shock, Astrid injects the dextro]

Olivia: Oh, Peter.

Peter: You're okay. You're going to be fine.

Olivia: Prep Hicks. Ready or not, we're administering the antidote.

Walter: An experiment. How exhilarating. 

 

Peter: Shady deals with shady guys in shady hotels is my M.O. - and typically, if someone is going to kill you, it's a good idea to have an ally in the room.

Olivia: I'm not scared.

Peter: Being fearless doesn't mean you're being safe.

 

Peter: What does it matter to you where I met anyone?

Gavin: Where did you meet? On campus?

Hicks: Where they met? I'm sorry, I don't know that. I don't know where exactly it was.

Peter: [improvising] We met at the White Horse. On Wheatly Road, you know it?

Gavin: I don't recall.

Peter: You would. Thai food... it's fantastic. That's where I met Anderson. I could tell you what each of us was wearing, if you want to hear it.

Agent: [command post chat] Where the hell did he come up with that?

Charlie: I have no idea.

 

Peter: [jumps to his feet] Okay! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Okay! Okay! [weapons drawn on him] That's enough. Now, just tell them! Tell them, I'm not getting greased over Ernesto's dirty little secret.

Gavin: What secret is that?

Olivia: (to Peter) Shut your mouth!

Peter: (to Gavin) Ernesto is sick. He's... he's dying... sick, okay? He just doesn't want anybody to know.

Charlie: [listening in next room] Damnit, Liv. Give the signal.

Olivia: (to Peter) What the hell is wrong with you? He asked you...

Peter: What the hell is wrong with me? I got a gun in my face, for starters.

 

1.14 - Ability

Olivia: Is your father about?

Peter: Right here. Why don't you ask him what he's doing?

Olivia: I'd rather not.

 

Peter: How come when nobody knows and it doesn't make sense, they come to us?

 

Walter: Ceramides. They act as a signalling molecule in the skin. They control how the cells grow and differentiate. Two thoughts come to mind. The first, that this affliction might have been caused by a mutation, changing these lipids to recognize and seal any and all orifices... did they check his anus and penis?

Peter: You think we could get the answer to that question without me in the room?

Olivia: What was the other thought?

Walter: Sorry?

Olivia: You said two thoughts came to mind.

Walter: Ah yes. The other was... coffee cake. Tiny pebbles of cinnamon sugar.

Peter: Once again... my father.

Olivia: I was hoping you might have one of your... weird connections...

Peter: Weird connections?

Olivia: They're always a little weird.

Peter: Well, you're always a little weird.

Olivia: What do you think? Come on.

Peter: I think I've got a weird connection.

Markham: Was that really necessary?

Peter: Ah, you know me, Markham... 'Friend of the People'...

Markham: What about me? Aren't I people?

Peter: ...People who shower. 

 

Olivia: How's Walter coming with the antidote?

Peter: He's working on it. He says, and I quote - 'it'll be ready when it's ready, and not a moment before'.

 

Peter: Walter, put the cow away would you?

Parademic: [looking at the backside of Gene] What is this place?

Peter: It's a freak show. Thanks for your help. Thank you.

Olivia: That drug Jones claims is in my body... Cortexiphan, it's a drug patented, but not approved by, the FDA.

Peter: Patented to whom?

Olivia: ...To Massive Dynamic.

Peter: [scoffs] Why am I not surprised?

 

1.15 - Inner Child

Walter: Unless you have an IQ higher than mine, I am not interested in what you think. 

 

Walter: No. That I can't explain. But good news, Mister Broyles, I have located my turntable, so I don't need you to purchase me one after all. It was under the sink in the john. So obvious. I was sitting on the toilet, and I...

Peter: Walter, I think that's probably enough information.

 

Peter: Walter. Olivia's here, she needs to talk to you. Walter!

Walter: Could she come back later? I'm about to step in the bath.

Peter: No, she can't come back later. It's the middle of the night. She needs to talk to you right now.

Walter: [comes out of the bathroom] Honestly, Peter, can't a man get... Agent Dunham. Peter, why didn't you tell me Agent Dunham was here?

Peter: I'm pretty sure I did.

 

Walter: Pheromones. Undetectable chemicals that nonetheless affect our behavior, our sex drive...

Peter: [points to Walter's open bathrobe] Hey, speaking of sex drive...

Walter: Oh, Peter, don't be such a prude. I'm sure Agent Dunham knows what a penis looks like. Don't you, Agent Dunham?

Peter: My father, ladies and gentlemen. 

 

Walter: My dear, there is much that is unexplained. Until it is.

Peter: In short, he has no idea. 

 

Walter: After that, it's a simply a matter of synthesizing the impulses. Think of it as creating artificial vocal cords.

Peter: Simple. Like making an omelet.

Walter: Actually, son, a good omelet is far more complex, eh? 

 

Peter: Here's a thought. A couple years ago, I was working down in Tennessee as a floor sweeper at a meat-packing plant.

Astrid: Sounds awesome.

Peter: You have no idea. 

 

Walter: Yes, now, the sound pressure level. Eh, dial the audio meter to fifteen hundred hertz. Slower, damn it, go slower.

Peter: Okay, if you wanna do this yourself, feel free.

Walter: No, there. (urgently to Astrid) Astro, quickly, get me a tape recorder.

 

1.16 - Unleashed

Peter: (on the phone) Hey, it's Peter.

Olivia: Hi. What's wrong?

Peter: What's wrong?

Olivia: Is there something wrong?

Peter: No. Why, what's wrong with you?

Olivia: Uh, nothing. I assumed there was an emergency.

Peter: Nope. no emergency.

Olivia: What's up?

Peter: Nothing, I was actually calling for Rachel, is she there?

Olivia: Yeah.

Peter: Actually, it's kinda stupid. I can call back later if you guys are in the middle of something.

Ella: Monsters aren't real, right?

Olivia: No, Sweetheart. They're not.

 

[Peter walks over to what appears to be an omelet lying on a plate and starts to cut a piece.]

Walter: Peter, no!

Peter: Walter, we talked about sharing.

Walter: That's not to eat. you've ruined it.

Peter: It's an omelet.

Walter: It's not an omelet! [tilts up the omelet]

Peter: Oh, my...ugh! Walter, why is there an ear in the omelet?

Walter: It was an experiment. It was a protein-rich incubator. It was growing.

Peter: It was growing? That's perfect.

Walter: No, it's not perfect. You just ruined it. And you could have died, had you eaten it.

Peter: You know, maybe in the future you could do me a favor and just put a sign warning me not to confuse your toxic playthings with breakfast.

Walter: Maybe you should get your own breakfast and not poach mine.

Peter: Dad, that is hardly the point. Remember yesterday when I nearly washed my face in a sink full of acid? Or three days ago you hooked Gene up to the solar panels and I nearly electrocuted myself.

Walter: This is a lab. You're the one who should be careful. I trust you look both ways when you cross the street.

Peter: Yeah, but the difference being that if I don't, I'm the only one who gets flattened. You, Walter, you live in a society with other people.

Astrid: Hey!

Peter & Walter: (simultaneous) What?!

 

Broyles: Whatever did this doesn't appear to be indigenous to the area.

Charlie: Well, wherever it is indigenous to, I don't want to live there. 

 

Walter: Oh, interesting.

Peter: Some would say disgusting.

Walter: The spread of the digits, V-shaped. It's too wide for one of those creatures. Configuration closer to that of an eagle. Of course much, much larger.

Peter: Hey, we're looking for Big Bird.

Walter: Don't be ridiculous. Perhaps a pterodactyl.

 

Walter: This is quite delicious.

Peter: Where did you get that?

Walter: In the car, uneaten.

Peter: What is the matter with you?

Walter: Oh, forgive my son. He's been in a mood all day.

Peter: I just figured "don't eat the evidence" goes without saying.

Broyles: I thought you falsified your degree from M.I.T.

Walter: Yeah, Peter, why commit to anything when you can just fake it? 

 

Astrid: So this thing has the claws of a lion and the fangs of a snake?

Walter: It reminds me of a woman I once knew in Cleveland.

Peter: Walter, these punctures are over four inches apart. And that would make this snake eight-feet long.

Walter: Her name was Harriet something.

Olivia: How is everything?

Peter: Well, apparently you're looking for a lion-snake named Harriet. 

 

Olivia: Walter, have you got any idea what kind of animal would be in a lab that could do this?

Walter: Well, judging by the wounds, I'd say two or three different ones, actually.

Peter: Right, a motley crew of lab animals got together and decided to exact their revenge on mankind. 

 

Animal Control Officer: This is unit 81 responding to the... Monster sighting on route 30.

Dispatcher (on Radio): Roger that, 81.

Animal Control Officer: It's always a monster. Monster must be housewife for raccoon.

 

Peter: Any leads on the fourth victim?

Olivia: No.

[Olivia stares at Peter.]

Peter: What?

Olivia: Nothing. You called Rachel last night - anything important?

Peter: Hardly. You know that song "If you like pina coladas?" We were trying to remember the name. It turns out it's called "Escape."

Olivia: So you two are friends now?

Peter: Does that bother you?

Olivia: No.

[Peter grins.]

 

 

 

[Olivia finds Charlie under a tree.]

Olivia: Charlie. How bad is it?

Charlie: I don't know. Uh, I'm all right.

Olivia: What was it?

Charlie: Big.

Walter: Agent Francis, I'm told you were attacked by the beast. What did it feel like?

Charlie: It hurt. 

 

Peter: Are you okay? Did you take something?

Walter: Psychedelics? No, not since Thursday, no. 

 

Walter: No, hmm? - How would we accomplish that? - Wait, damn it! - How can I concentrate with you running around?

Astrid: Walter, are you talking to me?

Walter: No, just thinking out loud.

 

Olivia: Walter, I need you to tell me what exactly you would need to create a genetic hybrid. Like, specific items, so I can see if Robert Swift bought any of it.

Walter: I would need some sodium bicarbonate and a house in he country, a place to be alone in my thoughts. Some Mahler for the late nights. And time. A lot of time.

Peter: I know. It's like he's on another planet.

Astrid: Guys. This body is moving.

Peter: What?

Walter: He's still alive. Quick, unzip it. They may be suffocating.

Peter: Ugh! Maggots!

Walter: No, not maggots. Larvae from the creature. Olivia: You mean that these are baby monsters?

Walter: Yes. We must collect them. Peter, a petri dish. [the larvae grow larger] Make it a bucket.

Astrid: I'm gonna be sick.

Walter: Two buckets!

 

Astrid: What,you mean it plants the eggs when it stings you?

Walter: Yeah. it's fascinating.

Olivia: Oh, god. Charlie. 

 

Charlie: Well, baby, that's why you married me.

Sonia: Why?

Charlie: 'cause I can protect you from all the scary things that are out there.

Sonia: And, uh, who's gonna protect you?

Charlie: I told you, it's just a scrape. Bad guy, broken bottle. 

 

Charlie: You trying to tell me that I'm pregnant? 

 

Olivia: Walter, are you saying that we can lure this thing by dangling those larvae in front of it?

Walter: Yes. but no.

Peter: Oh, great, this again. 

 

Walter: Could you carry these, son?

Peter: Sure thing.

Walter: Be careful. We must be very gentle with them.

Peter: Right, 'cause we wouldn't want to hurt the monster babies. 

 

Charlie: It's not a good idea, Liv.

Olivia: You got a better idea?

Charlie: Yeah. Don't get hurt for me.

Olivia: Well, that's not really very fair considering you would do the same thing for me.

 

 

 

Walter: I need to tinkle. Could either of you direct me to the facilities?

Peter: The facilities? You're in the sewer, Walter. You're knee-deep in the facilities.

Peter: Selfish son of a bitch. If he lives through this... I am gonna kill him myself. 

 

Peter: Are you okay?

Walter: Yes. Although when I mentioned that the poison would kill me within the hour, did either of you happen to notice the time? 

 

1.17 - Bad Dreams

Walter: Astral...

Astrid: [correcting him] Astrid.

Walter: ...projection. Spirit walk, as it were. No, no, no, you wouldn't have had sufficient corporeal form to interact with the young woman.

Peter: Here we go. It's like listening to a broken record, but the lyrics keep on changing. She had a bad dream.

Olivia: No, I could smell the platform. I saw her baby staring at me. I saw her face before I saw the news. How is that possible?

Walter: Opium?

 

Peter: New York it is.

Walter: Yeah. I love New York. Oh, we could catch a show! Pippin! Uh...no. [begins to sing] 'Cats fit on the windowsill, children fit in the snow'

Peter: Walter, you're staying here. (to Astrid) I'll make it up to you.

 

 

Police Officer: You know, you shouldn't eat those. (big salty pretzel)

Peter: About thirty years too late on that.

Police Officer: FBI comes into my house, first thing I need to ask is, 'Are we safe?'

Olivia: I'm not sure we're ever really safe. 

 

Walter: Do you have any reason to want her dead? Romantic rival, perhaps?

Peter: What?!

Olivia: I didn't even know her.

Walter: Then why did you kill her?

Olivia: I don't know.

Peter: Stop, both of you. Stop. Nobody killed anybody.

 

Walter: That's a curious word. So it's got nothing to do with going underwater?

Astrid: No. 'UnSub' stands for unidentified subject.

Walter: Actually, it should more logically mean going above water.

Peter: And still no.

Walter: I certainly hope we find him. Who we looking for?

Olivia: I think it's after this.

Walter: Remarkable. This is entirely new. What?

Peter: You're talking about the coffee?

Walter: Hmm, yes. What is it?

Peter: Cinnamon?

Astrid: Yes.

Walter: It's quite good. delightful, really.

 

Agent: We've got a hit.

Charlie: Subject's name is Nick Lane. Uh, former address is St. Jude's Mental Hospital.

Walter: Well, I'm not going there. 

 

Peter: You know, until this year I'd never actually been to a mental hospital.

Olivia: Learn to like new things.

 

Peter: Maybe I never gave it enough thought - what Walter went through. I only every saw it from my own perspective. His being crazy was something he did to us. To my mother and me. It wasn't something that happened to him.

Olivia: Well, you were young.

Peter: Well, I’m not young anymore. Must be a terrible thing to not be able to trust your own mind.

Olivia: Yeah. 

 

Walter: Where’s the fire? I always loved that expression, which is curious, since my lab assistant was killed in a fire. 

 

Walter: If William had followed the usual procedures... you see, often when we experimented on children -

Peter: Okay, can we just stop right there and analyze that sentence for a second?

Walter: ...we would put them in pairs. Like the buddy system in summer camp.

Peter: Listen to him! He’s comparing human experimentation to summer camp!

Walter: This pairing kept them from becoming frightened or feeling isolated. Sometimes an intense bond could form... a bond... which could be greatly amplified by a drug like Cortexiphan.

Peter: Stop it, both of you. You’re creeping me out. Olivia was never treated with Cortexiphan.

Walter: Is that true, Agent Dunham?

Olivia: I might have been.

Peter: What?

Walter: Well, that's good news.

Olivia: How is that good news, Walter? 

 

Peter: Olivia can feel what Nick Lane is feeling. She can see what he's seeing.

Olivia: Oh -

Astrid: What’s happening? Is he hurting her?

Olivia: Oh...

Astrid: Oh.

Walter: What?

Olivia: Oh...

Peter: Oh.

Walter: What?

Olivia: Ohhh.. Ohhh.. [moaning in pleasure]

Walter: Oh, I see.

Walter: I've always wanted a two-headed goat. What newspaper is this? Can I get a subscription? 

 

Peter: Why do I get the feeling you're not telling us everything?

Walter: Because I don't know everything. 

 

Olivia: Nick? Nick Lane?

Nick: Olive. You heard me. You heard me - you came. You were always the strong one. Whenever I got scared, you could make me feel better. Do you remember, Olive?

Olivia: I’m sorry, no, I don't.

Nick: That’s okay. I think they meant for us to forget. I just couldn't. 

 

[Unidentified woman jumps to her death, landing on a car near Walter and Peter.]

Walter: (on the ground, to Peter) Uh, maybe... I do hope Agent Dunham meant to do that.

 

1.18 - Midnight

Walter: [examining a corpse] You know what this reminds me of, Peter?

Peter: Nope, but I'm gonna guess it's something unbelievably disgusting.

Walter: Shrimp cocktail. You see, the shrimp must be deveined by putting a shallow cut down the back to expose the vein. Which in fact, is not a vein at all, but the crustacean's intestinal track.

Peter: Great, thanks for that. Another foodstuff I can cross off the menu for life.

 

Peter: Hey, are you okay?

Olivia: Why?

Peter: Well, you were awfully quiet on the car ride over here and you just don't seem your normal, chipper self at a bloody, gruesome crime scene.

Olivia: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm, umm... it's home stuff.

Peter: Well, I know from home stuff. I live with a guy inspecting a severed spine. 

 

Peter: You're suggesting that someone chewed his spine out?

Walter: Yes. But with a jaw strength well in excess of that of a normal human being.

Peter: Great. Well, maybe we're looking for Dracula.

Walter: Ha ha! Finally, son, you're opening your mind to new possibilities. But no, there are no vampires, sadly. But it'll be something exciting, I'm sure. 

 

Walter: The C-1 cervical vertebra is connected to the C-2 cervical vertebra. The C-2 cervical vertebra is attached to the C-3...

Peter: That... Walter, that's enough.

Astrid: When you finally meet a nice girl, I would avoid bringing her home for as long as possible. 

 

Astrid: The killer took the victim's spinal fluid? Why would they do that?

Walter: Where would the fun be if we already knew all there is to know? [reads the report from Astrid] This is interesting. Traces of treponema pallidum. That's the syphilis bacteria. On the victim's neck and back. Most likely from the killer's saliva.

Peter: So the killer has syphilis?

Walter: Seems so.

Peter: Great. I should have worn gloves.

Walter: And what's even more fascinating, this particular strain of syphilis is extinct. Has been for decades.

Peter: Well, how could the killer be exposed to an extinct strain of syphilis?

Walter: See, isn't this fun? 

 

Walter: I am forming a hypothesis. Would you care to hear?

Peter: Well, I don't know. Would I ever be able to sleep at night again?

Walter: Well, that depends.

Peter: Depends on what?

Walter: On whether the light is on or not.

Peter: (to Olivia) Do you really think it's a good idea to let him have free rein in Walter's Believe-It-or-Not Emporium?

Walter: [shows Boone his 'Believe-It-Or-Not Emporium'] Oh, and this is something my son Peter is working on. I haven't got the faintest idea what it is.

Nicholas Boone: Your centrifuge is twenty years old.

Walter: Oh, twenty-five. It's an oldie, but a goody. I also have a cow.

Peter: (to Olivia) And, just for the record, one mad scientist is my limit.

 

Peter: Everything stolen is not necessarily lost.

Olivia: Meaning what?

Peter: Meaning, if there's a car found stripped in the Greater Boston Area, I can guarantee you my man Mako has his big toe in it.

Olivia: You have a friend who runs a chop shop?

Peter: You make that sound so illegal. 

 

Peter: You know what I hate worse than the cold?

Olivia: What?

Peter: Not much.

 

Club Girl: Now you're my kind of guy. What is that?

Peter: A handheld thermal radiometer. It tells me if you're hot.

Club Girl: So...

Peter: So you're definitely hot. But, I'm looking for someone with syphilis.

Club Girl: Uh, okay.

[Peter's driving a Police car.]

Peter: Where's the siren on this thing?

Olivia: There. Is that why you wanted to drive?

Peter: [laughs] Everybody should get to do this at least once before they die... That look says more than just, 'I wish I hadn't have let him drive.'

 

1.19 - The Road Not Taken

 

Charlie: So this is what I've got so far. Bus driver called 9-1-1, reported an agitated woman got off his bus. Moments later, she caught fire and exploded. Police combed the area. They couldn't find any evidence of an accelerant or an incendiary device.

Peter: If there's something strange in your neighborhood...

Walter: ...Who you gotta call?

Peter: Thought that was just a myth.

Walter: Oh, myth is just an unverified fact. 

 

Walter: Matter is just energy waiting to happen. The average adult at rest contains enough potential energy to explode with the force of five very large hydrogen bombs.

Peter: You know, theoretically, you're actually right.

Walter: Ho ho ho ho! My son finally agrees with me. Agent Farnsworth, take a note of that.

 

 

 

Astrid: You know, Walter, working with you, it's amazing the sort of things you get used to.

Walter: You're not the first person to tell me that.

Walter: I was prone to hide things because I was afraid that someone would unlock all my secrets. I didn't realize the someone would be me. 

 

Walter: Lab rule #1: Do not borrow Walter's equipment without asking. 

 

Walter: Did you get it?

Peter: No, I told you they don't have it.

Walter: Has to be Frankenberry - that's what I ate back then - If I'm to remember where I hid the manuscript, it's simple sense memory, Peter.

Peter: But they don't have it. For all we know, they don't even make it anymore. I did, however, get you this. All the artificial sugary sweetness a growing scientist needs.

Walter: Hello, Agent Dunham! Let me guess, you're a Cornflakes gal. Am I correct?

Olivia: Uh, yeah. 

 

Peter: I'm not cleaning that up, by the way. (Walter's cereal mess) 

 

Charlie: If we get caught, I don't know you at all. 

 

Olivia: I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Walter: Oh, I don't think so. If you were actually going insane, you'd likely have no idea what's happening. Take it from me. 

 

Walter: If you are having these visions, whatever they are, there must be a reason. Trust me.

Peter: Really Walter? ...From a man who routinely sees little green men prancing through the lab with Tam o'Shanters on? 

 

Peter: Do you have anything stronger for my coffee?

Olivia: Yeah. Bottom drawer. The cabinet behind you.

Peter: And here I was halfway kidding. 

 

Peter: (sarcastically to Sanford Harris) Always a pleasure seeing you, sir. [raises his mug] 

 

Mister Protocol: I think the protocols and the processing of evidence are pretty clear.

Peter: Let me guess, you're new around here.

Olivia: Is everything alright?

Peter: Yeah, everything's fine. Just tell Mister Protocol to let me do my job, please. 

 

Walter: I've seen this woman before. Why does she look so familiar?

Peter: Maybe because you dissected her twin sister yesterday. Remember? Blond girl about 5'7". Really well done. Melted fillings.

Walter: Oh, right. 

 

Walter: (to Astrid) You know, when he was five, he - he built me a popsicle napkin holder. Dreadful design. Utterly useless.

Peter: Thank you.

 

1.20 - There's More Than One Of Everything

Olivia: [just arriving] Hey, I need to talk to Walter. Is he here?

Peter: Yeah, take a number.

 

Olivia: Peter... I, I'm sorry that I was so hard on him.

Peter: Don't worry about it. He's probably back at the hotel right now, working his way to the bottom of a pint of rocky road.

 

 

 

 

The Observer: This coin looks similar to the one you're thinking of. But it is from another place. There is more than one of everything.

 

 

Nina Sharp: Has he (Walter) been acting strange lately?

Astrid: Walter acting strange, um, no stranger than usual.

 

Walter: When Belly and I were younger men, we regularly ingested large quantities of LSD.

Peter: You don't say?

 

Walter: You may not remember this. When you were a boy, you were very sick, dying.

Peter: Walter.

Walter: And sometimes you got scared. And to calm yourself, to forget what you were going through, you took to collecting coins. This one, this was your favorite.

Peter: You're right. I don't remember any of that.

 

Walter: Agent Dunham...

Peter: How did you know where we were?

Olivia: What are you doing here?

Walter: We're trying to plug a hole in the universe. What are you doing here?

Olivia: Apparently the same thing.

 

Astrid: [returning to the lab] Doctor Bishop, good news. I got you some Berry Boom.

Peter: Hey, what's wrong? [both eye an envelope with Peter's name on it, he opens the envelope and reads a letter from Walter]

Walter: (handwritten on paper) "I'm stepping out for a bit. Don't worry about me, son. I know where I'm going."

Astrid: You want me to call the police?

Peter: No. [grins] That is the first time he has ever written a note. I think our little boy is growing up.